Husband started his own company! Ladies, can you give me some advice?
1st of all I want to say I love my husband very much and he’s a very good man, but he is literally making me insane!!! About a year ago he started his own construction company and he’s done really well at it. Problem is, lately it has completely consumed him. He grew up very poor and he is now becoming obsessed with being a millionaire. I know these would seem like good qualities, but I’m telling you, obsessed. He no longer has time for me at all. When he comes home, he immediately gets on the computer and works until midnight or sometimes later. If I cook, he will take his plate to the computer….If we go to dinner, he spends the entire evening talking about his business. So far, I have tried to listen and even tried to help him on several occasions (like w/ doing his books & emails, etc) but he’s a control freak and won’t let me. I’ve tried having talks with him about this & he gets so upset and tells me he is working this hard now, so we won’t have to work later on in life…I can’t listen to him anymore go on & on & on about different ways to build houses and marketing ideas. I started a new job a month ago and he barely knows anything about what I do now…I have tried being very nice. I’ve tried having parties (which he just sits & talks to other people about his business) Ive tried planning romantic weekends, which is very hard because he will work all day Saturday and by that evening he doesn’t want to go anywhere. We are a young couple with no kids. I want to enjoy this time. All of my friends live over an hour away, so that makes it harder. I really do want to be supportive, but I feel like I’m about to burst into tears every time I’m around him now. The only time I get attention is when he WAKES me up to come to bed and wants sex. Sadly I usually agree because this is the only time I get affection from him anymore. I need advice from mature wives, am I being selfish? I feel like I have tried everything from being extremely nice, to crying & throwing a huge fit. Nothing has worked. I do everything alone now. I want my fun loving, hilarious, sexy husband back….We need marriage counseling but we can’t afford it and there’s no way I could get him to go…..
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7 Responses to “Husband started his own company! Ladies, can you give me some advice?”
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Congratulations, you got the ambitious successful driven a-type husband every woman dreams of.
Learn to live with it or leave it. He is not coming back for many years. You can try to become a bigger part of it. Start dressing like a secretary, take dictation, help him with his work, etc.
Then start wearing shorter skirts, deeper backs, higher heels, and start tempting him from the other side of the desk.
If he is still a man, he will suddenly sweep everything off the desk onto the floor and take you remorselessly.
Be sure that your skirt is easily lifted and your underthings easily accessible!
So then you can have his attention all day as his assistant, and when he gets used to his nooners you won’t be able to get away from him if you try!
The pressure for a man to provide for his family is tremendous. It is even moreso if he has a background of poverty.
Starting a business is time consuming, but you’re right he sounds like he has an obsessive personality. I would suggest you talk to him and say, “Look, I know you are working hard for us, but I miss you and I’m unhappy.” Then schedule a few hours a week (don’t worry, just to start!) where you and he spend time together and talking about the business is off-limits. Absolutely not allowed. Assure him that it will all be there when you get back and then go to dinner, watch a movie on the couch, go for a walk, anything.
Good luck.
The only advice I have for you is to make sure you have a share of that company and it’s on paper!! When ever you work for him get paid for it!!
My ex started his company, I left my job to work with him, I spent 75 hours a week building it for him and when he reached his first million he started talking about separating. Even though I sweated blood for him, my name was nowhere.
Just give it some time – I know its hard, but he is doing that for the both of you… Starting a business and making it succesful takes a lot of sacrifice!
Ask him if you guys can at least have 1 night a week without work – just fun – like a date night. Hopefully he will be able to agree to that and it should help you get through this (until it gets better).
Just ask yourself. Is HE worth it? If you are asking for the truth from all of us. Then you know he isn’t worth it. You are NOT HAPPY.. And your family and your friends want the old you back. Good luck on the soul searching. It’s not easy No Matter What You choose. But you deserve to LIVE life and have fun with a man, who LOVES YOU.. not the $$$$
If he is doing really well with the business then why do you think you cannot afford a marriage counselor? Or is there a possibility you don’t want your friends and family to possibly find out you are getting some help.
Not sure what else you can do – he needs to realize, that the work will not substitute for other things – and if he works like crazy now – there might not be a time “later on” when he does not need to work anymore.
A own business requires a lot of self discipline – not only in working, but more important in taking breaks.
If he wants to make this business in a million dollar business he needs to learn how to delegate – because alone he will not be able to do it.
The only thing you could maybe do is to make an application for working with him, (e-mails, accounting like you did before) – and have a “business talk” with him.
Good luck to you